I want to be perfectly rational, and despite all my efforts, it seems that I am not. Just today, I was feeling very depressed and concluded that I would be better off dead, and there was no way around my impeccable logic. I went to sleep for a few hours, and woke up, and was unable to duplicate my conclusions, feeling a little better.
This is bullshit! This means I am incapable of rational thought unsullied by the capricious taint of mood and feelings. This means that my pessimism must be, in part, a product of my stubborn depression, which is a mood disorder. My political views are mostly determined by my feelings of familiarity or loyalty to a certain set of people. Every aspect of my life is held hostage to the chemical whims of my biology as it goes through the silly, apish cycles originally meant to keep it alive in a very different set of circumstances.
What a cruel joke is human life! The mightiest intellects in the natural world crumble before their own moody emotional gusts! The brains that can put life on other celestial bodies and unravel the mysteries of the fabric of the cosmos fall prey to a little lost sleep, or a bad day at work!
I very much resent the hideous moods that run not just my life, but my very reality. And even my resent is utterly without logic or reason! There is a sick humor in all of it.
It occurs to me that we are little more than toddlers. Sure, we articulate and justify our emotional whims much more fluently than toddlers, but we are still ruled by the exact same chemical stimulus-response laws as an infant. We apply additional meaning to each whim with our advanced verbal abilities, to justify to ourselves that we are NOT just a sad pack of children squabbling over meaningless games and crying for sustenance.
Now I've whipped myself up into a vengeful, angry mood about all this stuff. Yet as right as a feel, I know I may very well not be correct... after all, my conclusions are inseparably linked to my irrational caveman feelings. Maybe life is great and amazing and I will never experience the truth because my very brain chemistry prevents it. Yay life.