Monday, June 25, 2012

Things Have to Change

This is it, I'm going to drop out of school.  I'm going to go discuss my options with an academic adviser in a few minutes, but I just can't keep this up.  I can't keep going to BYU, and I'll need a break from school in general.  I also can't keep going to church.  It's going to kill me if I stay stuck in this situation any longer.

I should have done this a long time ago, instead of wait until my very sanity started circling the drain.

I don't intend to go out with a fuss, just quietly walk away from all this.  Maybe I can finish my degree soon at UVU or Utah or something.

Several folks I've mentioned my intentions to have expressed surprise and disapproval, especially since I seem so close to graduation.  But I've come to believe that my approach toward graduation is currently asymptotic; I will never actually get there from here.

What do I intend to do with life?  Hell if I know.  For now, just survive.  I'd love to say this was all about some high-minded ideal, but mostly it's just survival.


I'm so close, but so far.  The adviser thinks I should either finish or take a break and come back, but either way I have to go to church.  I think maybe I should kill myself, that will solve all of the problems.