Sunday, September 30, 2012

Headaches and Self-Conciousness

I find that my blog makes me more self-conscious at times.  For some strange reason, I actually get comments on most of my posts, and that indicates to me that people read them!  While this gratifies me, it terrifies me, too.

Every time I get a positive comment, I think "Awesome!  I'm coool!"  But then, a minute later, I think "I'm not really that cool.  What if they expect me to be that cool all the time, but I was only cool by accident in that post?  Then I'll be extra NOT cool!  Oh nooooo!"
Not that I don't want positive comment, please, praise me!  It just makes me realize how insecure I am, despite trying to seem like such a badass on this blog.

And, of course, the negative comments illicit a strange combination of blood-boiling wrath and the desire to curl up in the fetal position in the nearest dark closet.  "Oh pleeease, leave me alone, I'm nobody, why waste your time one me?  Oh noooo, somebody doesn't like me!"  sporadically switches with "You wanna play, asshole, YOU WANNA JACK WITH THE RIPPER?!"  It's a strange reaction revealing my fragile self-esteem AND my huge ego.  Man, I'm a wreck.

Self-centered raving aside, I thought I'd talk about headaches.  Because I have one, so I guess this is still self-centered raving.
A headache is like a fly buzzing around your head... you don't even notice it at first.  And then, all of a sudden, you SNAP.  OH MY GOODNESS, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
You realize you've had a headache for a whole hour, but all of a sudden you feel like braining yourself with the nearest heavy object just to make the pain go away.
If the headache gets bad enough, EVERYTHING hurts.  Sounds.  Light.  Even happiness.  HAPPINESS IS PAIN!  Moving at all makes it feel like your eyes have turned on you and stabbed your brain with your optic nerves.
Headaches feel immortal... like even if you died they'd still be there... no head, but still a headache.  Floating around, a spectre of pain, without thoughts or form, just dull, throbbing PAIN.
In conclusion, headaches suck, and even Excedrin doesn't always work unless you're willing to take too many and then have the jitters for 6 hours because of the massive hit of caffeine.


  1. I'll leave a comment. I enjoy your posts. Thanks for sharing your thoughts...even a rant on headaches was an enjoyable read. But, I'm confused...are you saying there is an element of our being that exists outside of the known physical realm? Will there be headaches in the afterlife? I sure hope so, because the sadist in me wants to make sure all those that believe in God get a royal pain in their head when they learn the truth...that God, if it exists, is just a 6 yr old asshole.

  2. I think you're cool all the time, not just in your posts.

  3. I used to enjoy reading this blog. But now I can't relate to or even understand half the crap he writes on here.

    You went wrong somewhere buddy. Like a bad sequel to an awesome movie. Think Hangover, or Matrix. Don't make another post unless you're absolutely sure it's a blockbuster my friend.

    1. I found this comment intriguing to begin with, but the buildup was choppy and confusing. Also, the switch from 3rd to 2nd person was a bit jarring.
      All in all, I give it two stars.

  4. fear of the unknown i think but the bottom line is if you were happy with what you have just posted why bother yourself with the negative comments.