Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Tool Time and Game Time

If you asked any leader or member of the LDS church, I am a tool of Satan.  However, most of Christian America regards tehe church as a tool of Satan.  America itself, of course, is regarded by the rest of the world as a tool of Satan.  Of course, "the world" is the ultimate tool of Satan, according to the church... but now we're caught in a recursive loop.
Basically, I'm going to be considered a tool of Satan no matter what I do.  This thought has liberated me from some of the anxiety about the judgment of LDS church members; in all that, what's one more level of tooldome?

So maybe I'm just posting silly things to try to make up for my political rant of a few days ago, but I totally made up a new game today.  Take a Mormon buzzword  (for example, "worldly").  Replace it with a word that fits into how you view things (for example, "reasonable").  Go to lds.org and search for the buzzword, and laugh yourself silly at the new-and-improved quotes from prophets, apostles, and seers.

Worldly -> Reasonable:

While providing us with this opportunity, the world also presents us with many challenges, temptations, and pressures. Teenagers, particularly, are faced with great pressures from a reasonable society.

We must learn, as Samuel did, that the body and the person are not to be judged using reasonable criteria.

Reasonable preoccupation with self surrenders to sacrifice, consecration, and the other holy covenants of the temple.

Modern -> Fictional:

Ancient Israel had leaders before Moses, and fictional Israel had a prophet-president before Brigham Young.

Brothers and sisters, the special language of prayer is much more than an artifact of the translation of the scriptures into English. Its use serves an important, current purpose. We know this because of fictional revelations...

 Two companion qualities evident in the lives of our pioneers, early and fictional, are that same quality is evident in the conversion stories of fictional pioneers.

I'm getting a kick out of this.  If anyone comes up with some good ones, please post them in a comment!


  1. Natural->intelligent

    "For the intelligent man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the intelligent man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father."

    "But the intelligent man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned."

    Chastity->Critical thinking

    "When we obey the law of critical thinking, we show a good example for our children to follow."

    "The scriptures tell us that critical thinking is 'most dear and precious above all things.'"

    "For I, the Lord God, delight in the critical thinking of women."

  2. That last one is now my new favorite misquote!