This is it, I'm going to drop out of school. I'm going to go discuss my options with an academic adviser in a few minutes, but I just can't keep this up. I can't keep going to BYU, and I'll need a break from school in general. I also can't keep going to church. It's going to kill me if I stay stuck in this situation any longer.
I should have done this a long time ago, instead of wait until my very sanity started circling the drain.
I don't intend to go out with a fuss, just quietly walk away from all this. Maybe I can finish my degree soon at UVU or Utah or something.
Several folks I've mentioned my intentions to have expressed surprise and disapproval, especially since I seem so close to graduation. But I've come to believe that my approach toward graduation is currently asymptotic; I will never actually get there from here.
What do I intend to do with life? Hell if I know. For now, just survive. I'd love to say this was all about some high-minded ideal, but mostly it's just survival.
I'm so close, but so far. The adviser thinks I should either finish or take a break and come back, but either way I have to go to church. I think maybe I should kill myself, that will solve all of the problems.