I haven't been writing much at all lately. To be perfectly honest, things have been changing rapidly in the last few weeks.
I'm happier, for one thing. I have motivation once again to get things done, and I can take satisfaction in my work, something that seems pretty novel after months of deep depression.
I'm on good terms with my family, and I'm open about how I feel about religion. I am actually trying to be friendly at church... if I'm going to remain more or less active for my wife's sake, I guess I'd better start learning to be comfortable in the community.
My political views have been evolving as well. I have actually been thinking a lot about libertarianism and the role of government lately... something I have avoided doing out of sheer horror at the obnoxiously-uninformed rhetoric of the teabaggers. Not that I'm becoming libertarian, but I feel that it's healthy to seriously consider views other than those I've become accustomed to holding.
To be perfectly honest, I've actually become more pessimistic, politically. I don't feel like there is anything that can be done at this point to save our civilization... our society is consuming resources and energy at ever-higher rates despite the decreasing cost-effectiveness of all of our resource-gathering operations. But I suppose all civilizations must fall.
I may write more about all this later... I'm still considering a lot of things.
I have been taken by surprise at how quickly things seem to change. I'm almost afraid of the feelings of hope and contentedness that I have recently begun to experience... like I can't trust them. Maybe I can't, maybe life sucks and I'm only in denial if I feel otherwise. I'm still not convinced that life can have any meaning... but at least I'm enjoying it a little, now. Perhaps what I'm most afraid of is a loss of objectivity... I have no desire to simply become caught-up in my own affairs to the point at which I'm not thinking constantly and thoroughly about the state of the world around me.
I'm still not completely convinced that a healthy mind is a sane mind.